Tuesday, April 16, 2013

A cowboy from Montana and a cowboy from California are on a sheep drive. They ...

A cowboy from Montana and a cowboy from California are on a sheep drive. They have been out for weeks and have been pulling sheep out of the mud and working really hard. Eventually they come across a sheep with her head stuck in the fence.

They are both very lonely, so the cowboy from Montana says "I'm first!" and he drops his pants and mounts the sheep. When he is finished, he steps back, looks at the California cowboy, and says "You're next".

The California cowboy drops his pants and sticks his head in the fence.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I ...

Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.

Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

Sunday, April 14, 2013

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. ...

One day two boys were walking through the woods when they saw some rabbit shit. One of the boys said: "What is that?"

"'They're smart pills," said the other boy "Eat them and they'll make you smarter."

So he ate them and said: "These taste like shit."

"See," said the other boy, "you're already getting smarter."

Why did Microsoft give the name "Windows" to its operating software?

Why did Microsoft give the name "Windows" to its operating software?

If you had so many bugs, you would throw it out the window too!

Saturday, April 13, 2013

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. ...

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!