A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go ...

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race appear?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made ..."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.

The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved."

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his!"

A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question: Suppose you ...

A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question: Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.
M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.

Then they were asked this question: Suppose you walked by a house and saw a hose connected to a hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.
M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire, reducing the problem to a previously solved form.

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them ...

A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem.

Little Johnny replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round?

The teacher asked Little Johnny: "How can you prove the earth is round?"

Little Johnny replied: "I can't. Besides, I never said it was."

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to ...

A man, called to testify at the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper."

Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."

Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story," replied the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel.

The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?"

"No matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed."

"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get ...

"Daddy," a little boy asked his father. "How much does it cost to get married?"

"I don't know, son. I'm still paying for it."

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her ...

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?

The elephant asked the camel: "Why do you have your breasts on your back?"

The camel clearly irritated by the outrage of modesty replies: "What a silly question from someone who has a dick on his face."

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back ...

During the Vietnam war, a Lieutenant asked a Marine why he was falling back during a really fierce battle. "Didn't you hear me say that we're outnumbered 4 to 1?"

The Marine replied, "I got my four Sir."

Yo momma is so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she ...

Yo momma is so poor, I walked into her house, asked to use the bathroom, and she said "3rd tree to your right."

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you ...

Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?"

"My father said it'd be a good idea, Sir."

"Oh? And what does your father do?"

"He's in the Army, Sir."

A rabbit came into a shop and asked, "Got any carrots?

A rabbit came into a shop and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller answered, "No!"

The next day the rabbit came again and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller replied "No!"

Next day the rabbit came and asked, "Got any carrots?" The seller shouted, "No! And if you come again and ask for carrots, I'll take nails and hammer you on the wall by your ears!"

Early next morning the rabbit came back and asked, " Got any nails?" The seller answered, "No!" The rabbit asked, "Got any carrots?"

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide. ...

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.

The librarian said: "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go ...

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"

Little Johnny replied, "Because people are sleeping."

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her ...

A veterinarian was feeling ill and went to see her doctor. The doctor asked her all the usual questions, about symptoms, how long had they been occurring, etc., when she interrupted him: "Hey look, I'm a vet. I don't need to ask my patients these kind of questions: I can tell what's wrong just by looking. Why can't you?"

The doctor nodded, looked her up and down, wrote out a prescription, and handed it to her and said, "There you are. Of course, if that doesn't work, we'll have to have you put down."

A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question: Suppose you ...

A mathematician and a physicist were asked the following question: Suppose you walked by a burning house and saw a hydrant and a hose not connected to the hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.
M: I would attach the hose to the hydrant, turn on the water, and put out the fire.

Then they were asked this question: Suppose you walked by a house and saw a hose connected to a hydrant. What would you do?

P: I would keep walking, as there is no problem to solve.
M: I would disconnect the hose from the hydrant and set the house on fire, reducing the problem to a previously solved form.