Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces?

Whats the difference between married men and parking spaces?

Nothing all the good ones are taken.

What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?

What's the difference between George Michael and a microwave oven?

A microwave stops when you open the door.

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"

Woman: "It's in the phone book."

Man: "But I don't know your name."

Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

What's the difference between a viola and a coffin?

The coffin has the dead person on the inside.

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield?

What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind as it hits the windshield?

His ass.

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

1) After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
2) A dog only takes a couple of months to train.

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

What's the difference between your paycheck and your dick?

You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

What's the difference between a blonde and your job?

Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?

Whats the difference between a used car salesman and a software salesmen?

The used car salesman knows when he's lying.

What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and O. J. Simpson?

What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and O. J. Simpson?

Christopher Reeves got the electric chair ... and OJ walked!

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

E.T. phoned home.

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

What's a perfect breakfast for a woman?

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

What's the quickest way to lose 190 pounds of ugly fat?

Divorce him.

What's the most effective birth control device for men. ...

What's the most effective birth control device for men.

Their manners.